


New Years Resolutions

by kayla_desirae_collins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drunk!Reader, F/M, New Years, Party, resolutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 21:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5601253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayla_desirae_collins/pseuds/kayla_desirae_collins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You have feelings for a certain angel, but here lately you haven't quite been yourself. At the New Years party, drinking your feelings away seems like the right thing to do. But when you sober up, you realize the mistakes you made, could have just cost you a friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Years Resolutions

When you returned home to the bunker, it was late. Well, later than you had planned. The clock on your dashboard read 8:47 and you sighed inwardly. You had left christmas morning on a hunt for a shapeshifter. I mean, christmas wasn’t really your thing; it hadn’t been for the past nine years, not since your family had the unfortunate event of passing the night before. Some christmas eve that was. You left early that morning, before the boys woke up. They knew you were leaving; they knew how you felt about it, but Dean made you agree to be back in time for the New Years party he was planning. So, here you were. Parked outside among all the cars. The thought of being around people was comforting. You had grown used to them and in a way, they were now family; but they just couldn’t make up for the ones you grieved this holiday.

Stepping out of your car, you threw the bag over your shoulder and headed inside. Instantly you heard the loud music blasting from inside. You knew Charlie and Gabriel had to be here; they always knew how to throw the best parties. Making your way inside, Bobby noticed you right away.

“Hey there kid,” he greeted with a hug as you stepped off the last step on the stairwell. You hugged him back and smiled.

“Hey Bobby,” it was really good to see him. “Hope I haven’t missed too much,” you explained with a pout, extending your lip jokingly. He cackled at your action and a smile stayed plastered to his face.

“Of course not, you’re the life of the party. Its just getting started.” His response warmed you. He always knew how to make you feel welcome and at home.

“Awe, thanks Bobby,” you smiled as you gave him a side hug. “Im going to go put my stuff away and I’ll be back in a minute,” you informed. He nodded his head in agreement and began walking back to the main room. As you were walking to your room, you decided to check your phone. Not that it would do any good, everyone you knew was here anyway. You were fixing to click off the screen when you bumped into someone. Glancing up, you were met with a set of piercing blue eyes.

“Sorry Cas,” you apologized as a red blush creeped onto your face. Okay, so maybe you had a tiny crush on the angel. By tiny, you mean that he was basically everything you wanted. You had first met him when dragged Dean out of Hell and you’ve basically been head over heels since. Especially over time as he began to understand how things truly were. He had been with you and the brothers for almost eight years now, and every time you would see him your heart would still flutter. You did your best to hide it though, over the last few years the two of you had become exceptionally close. Cas, being an angel, sure as hell wouldn’t want to settle with someone as sloppy as yourself, so you took comfort in knowing that he would at least be your friend. You didn’t want to even risk to chance of rejection and it wasn’t like you could talk to someone about it. He was your turn to, when you needed someone to talk to; he was a really good listener, but you couldn’t really talk about being in love with him, with him. You’ve grown to understand that nothing would ever come of your feelings and that just being able to be his friend was better than nothing.

“Its alright, are you okay?” he asked skeptically as his outstretched arm held you securely from falling. You nodded your head, lost for words. He really was a sight to see. But it wasn’t just that though, I mean, when the crush started it was, but now you had fallen for who he had become. He was kind and unbelievably thoughtful; he was funny and most of the time awkward, but you found that completely adorable and it sure as hell didn’t do anything to decimate your feelings for him. The blush on your face remained, you could still feel the heat in your cheeks.

“Yeah, fine thanks. Just a little out of it I guess; long drive,” you persuaded. He gazed down at you skeptically before nodding his head and releasing your arm from his grasp. Gosh, he was just so beautiful; his eyes doing wonders to you. They were completely captivating and for a moment you lost yourself in them. “Im, uh…, just going to put my things in my room. Maybe clean myself up a bit, and then I’ll be back out,” you mumbled, mouth not wanting to work due to the entrancement. 

“Okay,” he agreed in his deep monotonous voice. Even the rumble of his words would put you on edge. He stepped aside so you could walk by and as you did, your eyes lingered on him longer than you had liked. Why couldn’t you control yourself, you weren’t usually like this. Usually you could hide it better, whats gotten into you? You quickly stammered off into your room and quickly shut the door behind you. Taking a moment to recover yourself, you leaned against the door frame and sighed. Why’d you have to go and fall in love with an angel? A knock on your door pulled you from your thoughts.

“(Y/n), are you sure your alright?” Cas pressed sounding legitimately worried. His presence made you jump a little, you certainly weren’t expecting that.

“Yeah, ‘m fine Cas, really. I’ll be out in a minute,” you pushed before he could sense the disdain in your voice. No, you most certainly weren’t alright. He was doing things to you, awful, cruel things. But it wasn’t his fault. Its not like he could help it, he didn’t even know and he was never going to find out.

“You’re sure,” he proceeded. You had a feeling he was catching onto you emotions, he was good at doing that.

“Mmm hmm,” you hummed.

“Okay,” he whispered and following that, you heard the swoosh of his wings. Shaking your head, you internally scolded yourself. Get yourself together, (y/n)! You moved from the door over to your dresser to collect clean clothes. Then, you drug your feet to the shower and entered the water hastily. You needed to wash off and you quickly washed your hair. Being late to the party as it was, you didn’t want to miss more than was needed. After you got out, you brushed your teeth and dressed. Once you left the steamy room, you towel dried your hair and headed towards the music. Upon entering the kitchen, you heard Charlie shout out in excitement.

“There she is!” she expressed excitedly. You smiled at her and swooped into her side hug.  
“What took you so long?”

“I was just getting ready,” you laughed at her. She smiled back and pulled a cup from behind her back and began to wiggle her eyes.  
“Oh no, no, no. You know I don’t drink,” you explained as if she didn’t already know.

“Join us tonight. Come on, its New Years!” she explained hastily, you could slightly tell she was a little tipsy. You look past her, towards the table to see Dean and Bobby with their own drinks in hand; Dean giving you a thumbs up. Glancing back up to Charlie, you kindly declined again.

“Maybe some other time,” you smiled at her. “Have you seen Sam?” She shook her head.

“Haven’t seen him. If you find him, tell him I made drinks,” she exclaimed. You agreed and stalked off into the library. When you entered, you took in the sight; everyone had showed up. Ranging from angels to hunter friends to non-hunter friends and even Crowley. Even though he was the only demon in the room, that fact was not what drew your attention to him. Castiel was standing beside him engaging in conversation. Unlike usual, he wasn’t wearing his trench coat; not like he had been earlier. Now he only wore the white dress shirt with the tie. Although he was wearing the tie, it was quite loose from his neck, this much was normal along with his pants and shoes. It was weird seeing him without his coats though, it was rare that he ever took them off; but it was a good weird. He looked even more devine. As you were staring over at him, you ran into some one for the second time that night.

“Hey sweetheart, I didn’t see you there,” Balthazar smiled at you. 

“No, its my fault. Im sorry, I’m just being such a klutz tonight," You gave him a warm smile in return and took another quick glance back at Cas.

“Oh, I see,” you heard him sneer and you turned back to him just in time to see Gabriel approach.

“Hey you,” he winked towards you. “Whats up?” Your eyes flicked over to Balthazar and his smile grew.

“I think (y/n) has a thing for our little Cassie,” he explained to his brother. Gabriel glanced toward him as if in question and then turned back to you.

“Really.” Gabe said as he learned the new information.

“What? I do not,” you explained as you crossed your arms. The angel brothers exchanged looks once more and decided to not back down.

“It seems that she does thought. Considering, she was ogling him,” Balthazar explained to Gabe. They turned to you once more and you shook your head in disagreement. Nice trying to keep it a secret, seriously what is going on with you tonight.

“Cas is my friend,” you say as if they didn’t know.

“So, are you telling me that you have a thing for a demon?” Gabe asked curiously. Your eyes furrowed together in confusion. It wouldn’t be a good idea for rumors to start spreading that you liked Crowley, because they certainly weren’t true. You were absolutely in love with their brother, but they didn’t need to know that.

“No, demons aren’t my thing. I was looking over there because I’m curious as to what they are talking about, considering they hate each other.” you told. They thought it over for a minute and then they went with it. Agreeing that it was an awkward gesture.  
“Anyway, have you seen Sam?” you quizzed. They both glanced around the room in search but slowly their eyes made their way back to you, and declined.  
“Well, if you do will you tell him me and Charlie is looking for him?” They agreed and you began to walk away.   
“Hey,” they both turned to you curiously, “Cas and I are just friends.” They nodded seriously, the previous inquisition from earlier completely dropped. Thank god, that was a close one.

You walked around the bunker some more in search for Sam. Everything was crazy right now with all of the guests and for some reason you couldn’t keep calm with Cas here recently, so you sought out the company to the younger Winchester since the older one was already drinking. After a while, you decided to go outside for some fresh air. You made your way to the stairs and began to climb up them towards the door.

“(y/n),” your angel called from down below with a hint of worry in his voice. You stopped climbing, but you were hesitant to turn around, eventually you slowly twisted around to face him. His features were the same as his tone and arms dangled down at his sides, the white fabric clinging to his arms in parts and the other parts creasing together.  
“Where are you going?” he questioned solemnly. Your eyes fell from his and landed on his tie, the blue orbs beginning to be to much to handle.

“I need some air,” you answered him. He tilted his head and you cursed yourself for your voice sounding uneasy.

“Something is wrong,” he stated. You turned away from him and began towards the door. A huff escaping your lips.

“No Castiel, everything is just so fudging perfect.” you sighed, more rude than you wanted. It wasn’t his fault you were impassioned with him. It wasn’t his fault you couldn’t find Sam. It wasn’t his fault you couldn’t have christmas with your family. It wasn’t his fault they were dead. It wasn’t his fault that you were emotionally compromised over anything and everything you couldn’t have or find. Within the same instance of your outburst, a flutter of wings was in front of you in the same second. He stood in front of you and as your eyes traveled up his body and finally met his eyes, tears began to prick the brim. He opened his arms to hold you, but you took a step back while wiping at your eyes for the tears to cease.

“(y/n),” he repeated desperately wanting to help. Like you said before, he was always kind and very considerate of feelings, why would now be any different. You began shaking your head side to side.

“I can’t find Sam,” you whisper to him. He gave a look of concern as to why you were this upset about not being able to find him.

“Im sure he is around here, I can find him for you if you want me to,” he offered weakly. He couldn’t understand why you wanted to talk to Sam about whatever this was instead of him.

“No,” you continued to shake your head back and forth, “I just want to be alone Cas, but thanks.” you moved past him and quickly fumbled with the door. Moments later, you were standing back outside in the chilly winter breeze. Your hair was still a little damp from the shower, but you blew it off and wrapped your arms around your body for an attempt at warmth. It was a while before the bunker door opened. Sam stepped out from the entrance and glanced around the lot until his eyes found you.

“You okay?” he asked concerned. You looked up at him as he continued to speak.  
“Cas said you were upset and didn’t want to talk to him about it.” You sighed at his last sentence and he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall next to you.

“I can’t talk to him about it,” you verbalized. He drew his brows together and tuned his head towards you.

“Why not?” he questioned.

“Kinda hard to talk about something to someone, when the something is themselves,” you say matter of factly.

“Whats wrong with Cas?”

“Its more like whats not wrong with him,” you mumble out.

“What?”

“Look, I’m glad that you’re both concerned about me, but I’m fine. I don’t want to talk anymore.” you sigh and walk back to the door. He follows behind you and once you enter the bunker and step off the stairs, you notice Cas waiting anxiously near the entrance to the library. You walked past him without even a glance and you continued on your way, completely missing the exchange of glances the two guys gave each other. 

For the next hour or two, you joined in on conversations and games. It was a fun way to pass the time, get caught up with each other, and forget the thought of the blue eyes that seemed to be continuously lurking in your mind. And it worked for a while, the distractions. But all things come to an end eventually. The card game ended and everyone got up from the table, leaving you there shuffling the deck with nothing else to do. Just then, Dean walked into the room to grab another beer. He saw you sitting at the table and approached you with a smile. 

“You enjoying the party,” he mostly slurred. You smiled at him, at least he was happy for once.

“Yeah, its okay.” He raised his bottle to you and his smirk grew.

“You’d enjoy it better if you were drinking,” he chided. You thought about this for a moment. They knew you never drank. Not that you had anything against other people drinking, but it just wasn’t for you. 

“Lets say I was drinking. Whats something that you would advise me to drink?” Dean watched you curiously, trying to figure out your tone through his drunken stupor.

“I think you would like vodka,” he offers with a raise of his brow.

“Where would I find it?” he smiled at your eagerness and turned toward a cupboard and opened it to reveal the stash. It was completely filled. Wine, vodka, whiskey, beer, liquor, brandy, it had it all. He reached in and grabbed you an unopened bottle of strawberry vodka.

“Since you like fruits, I think you’ll like this one,” he raised his eyebrows as he spoke. 

“Well, thank you so much, dear Winchester.” you thanked as you took it from him. He smiled at you and you turned on your foot and placed the deck of cards back on the table as you walked past. You headed to your room, away from the crowd and began to open the bottle. As soon as you took the cap off, you could immediately smelled the sweet strawberry scent. Without anything to loose, except hopefully the thought of mr. perfect, you took a long swig. Dean was right, you did like it. You liked it a lot in fact, even the feel of the after burn. This would have to be your solace to get you through tonight. Once you made it into your room, you sat on your bed and took drink after drink. The last thing you remember was sitting there, staring at the picture on your nightstand of Sam, Dean, and you and Cas standing outside of Bobby’s garage; your arm wrapped around his and Deans waist. A friendly hug as you had called it, but secretly you knew that, that had only been true about your arm around Dean. The one around Cas was a dream all its own….

————————————————————————————

The New Year started in less than an hour, and Cas had been looking for you for a while now. After not seeing you with the others at the party, he went and searched your room. All he found there was your bed sheets crumpled up, unlike the neat flat sheets from when your bed had been made earlier. He looked around the room for clues as to where you might be, but everything was in place; everything but your crumpled sheets. Instantly, he flew to the entrance of the bunker and looked for you outside, but the lot was vacant. Fear began over come him. Where had you gone?

“Sam, have you seen (y/n)?” he asked quickly not wanting to waist any time. The younger brother turned to the angel with a frown on his face.

“Not for a while,” he admitted with a worried tone. Cas looked around the room once more before Sam stood by him.  
“Lets go ask Dean,” he said with assurance. 

“Dean,” Sam questioned as he looked at his brother. “Dean,” he said again to grab his attention.  
The older Winchester glanced up at them skeptically wondering what they could possibly want. Dean was drunk, but he wasn’t too far gone.  
“Have you seen (y/n)?”

“Nope,” he answered and popped the p. Cas slumped his shoulders and Sam gave him a knowing glance.  
“Wait,” Cas shot his eyes back up in a flash. “Yeah, I have actually, 'saw 'er in the kitchen. She seemed sort of sad, but I think I made her feel better. Kinda surprised me though.”

“What do you mean?” Cas demanded an answer. Dean scrunched his eyes at the commanding angel.

“She wanted a drink; wanted to know which one that I thought she would like.”

“Did she like it?” Sam asked curiously.

“That is not of import,” Cas stated seriously, no humor lurking anywhere.

“I don’t know,” Dean admitted as he ignored Castiel’s question. “She took it and left the room. Kinda seemed like she was on a mission.” 

“Whats going on?” Gabriel question as Charlie and him joined the conversation.

“We can’t find (Y/N),” Sam explained.

“She’s probably around here somewhere. Whats the big deal?” Gabe continued.

“The “big deal” is Dean gave her alcohol.” Cas sounded irate and everyone watched him with a questioning glare.

“Oh,” Charlie expressed in shock. “But she doesn’t drink.” Cas squinted at her and then peered at everyone else standing around.

“I need to find her,” he spoke sulkily. No one hesitated at his response. They knew they needed to find her, because something was definitely wrong. Before long, all guests were searching for her. Some went outside and the rest divided up to search through the entire bunker. It was now thirty minutes until the new year.

About ten minutes later, Dean was walking through one of the long hallways. In a way, he felt that this whole thing was his fault, he should have known better. He’s known you for a long time and you’ve never drank once. He walked a little farther and realized Cas’s room was just to the right. Without thinking about it, he entered the closed door and shut it back behind him. Sauntering over to the bed, he sat on the edge to ponder in thought. Where would you have gone? Why did you want to drink anyway?

“…freaking silly angel…” Dean heard the faint whisper. His head shot up and he looked around the room skeptically. Was he just hearing things, or was that…  
“…why do I feel this way?” He heard it again, this time he knew it wasn’t his imagination. He stood and walked over to the closet. Placing is ear to the door, he heard faint giggles that quickly changed into a light sobbing, only to become giggles again. He opened the door and what he saw had completely blown his mind.

Inside the dark, empty closet, you were laying on the ground, curled mostly into a ball with the famous tan trench coat encasing you. He watched you for a moment as things finally started to come together in his own drunken stupor. Glancing over, he saw the bottle that he had given you. Though, the liquid that used to occupy it was nearly diminished; you had basically drank the whole bottle.

“(Y/N)?” he asked hesitantly. You peered up at him and somehow managed to place your finger over your mouth.

“Shhh,” you sounded and you let out a little light giggle.

“What are you doing in here?” he pushed. Sitting up on your elbows, you narrowed your eyes at him.

“I’m drinking.”

“(Y/n), everyone is looking for you… Cas is looking for you.” he explained hoping to get through to you.

“Shhh,” you motioned again, “Don’t say that name.” you ordered. Dean gazed down at your fragile looking figure with confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

“Hey, Dean-o, I can’t hear you. Its too dark in here,” you finally said something above a whisper. Eyes still on you, he shook his head and took a step back from the door.

“I’ll be right back. Im going to get Cas,” he informed.

“No! Don’t get him,” you yelled discouragingly. He turned back to you for a moment.

“What? Why not?”

“He hates me Deany. Mr.perfect just thinks he’s a big shot. Making me feel this way and acting like he doesn’t know whats going on.” This brought his full attention back to you and a deep laugh left his mouth.

“Cas doesn’t hate you. Why would you think that?” he quizzed.

“Go get me some pie,” you demanded, completely ignoring his question.

“Im not getting you pie. Im going to get Cas.” he told as he walked away from the entrance. He walked to the rooms door and opened it. 

“Cas,” he yelled down the hallway hoping someone would hear him. He didn’t think of just simply praying to the angel. Without a warning though, Cas appeared behind him.

“Dean?” 

“She’s in the closet Cas,” he informed. Cas turned immediately and made his way over to the empty frame.

“Dean!” you yelled again. Suddenly, you felt a presence and continued thinking it was the older brother.  
“Dean, you can’t get Cas. He’s an angel,” you mumbled. Cas turned and gave a questioning glance to him and then was focused back on you.

“(y/n),” he whispered to you as he noticed the almost empty bottle in your hands.

“…he’s going to be mad at me…” you muttered.

“Who’s going to be mad at you?”

“Please don’t get Cas,” you pleaded as you twisted around in the coat. You snuggled deeper into it and he watched you with ease.

“How much was in the bottle?” the angel shifted to explore Deans features.

“It was a full bottle,” Dean grumbled. “She’s plastered dude.”

“You can go back to the party,” Cas insisted.

“You sure?” Dean asked. The angel nodded his head and the elder Winchester hesitated for a moment before exiting the room.

“Im not drunk,” you explained to him. He watched you and he began to feel bad. Whatever was bothering you earlier was the cause of this misfortune. Why would you think he would be mad at you, for whatever it was. He could never be mad you, not enough to ever do damage anyway. He bent down to you and attempted to pick you up.  
“No, don’t take it away from me,” you pleaded loudly as you squirmed from his grip and tightened the coat around you.

“Im not going to take it away from you.”

“Cas?” you whispered.

“Im here (y/n).”

“I don’t feel so good,” you mushed at him. “My head hurts.” He sat down and crossed his legs in front of you.

“Its okay. Im going to take care of you. Let me take you to your bed.” he offered. You didn’t like his idea. You rolled over and faced the wall, turning your back to him.

“No, I want to stay here.” you pressed a sob, tears began to prick your eyes again. Your actions confused him.  
“I want to stay in Cas’s room,” you pleaded.

“Then you can stay in here.” he agreed. "Why don’t you want to leave?” he questioned you after a moment.

“ He’s going to hate me, I just want to stay here as long as I can,” you answered, though it didn’t make much sense.

“Who is going to hate you?”

“Cas is going to hate me.” you told as you snuggled into the warm confines of the comfortable coat.

“Why?” 

“Because of what I did.” you sniffled and your frown became a slight smile. “I fell in love with him,” you whispered and slightly giggled. He froze at your words. Had you just said what he thought you had? Of course you had, his angel hearing couldn’t have misheard that, but had you meant it?

“What?

“Shhh. I have to tell you a secret,” you informed as you turned back around to him and sat up a little, “but you have to promise me something.” You could slightly tell that he shook his head in agreement. “You can’t tell Cas, okay."

“I am Cas,” he spoke up before you let him in on the little secret. You began to laugh and a hiccup escaped from your mouth.

“I want you,” you exclaimed as you began to sit up on you knees. The trench coat still around your figure as you approached him on your knees. His blue eyes peering into you, watching your every move. Once you were right in front of him, you smiled at him the same time a tear slipped down your cheek.  
“Will you hold me, Cassie?” Without hesitation, he reached his arms out towards you and you fell into his grasp. Pulling you to his chest, you snuggled into him and sighed contently, as his arms secured around you. The both of you stayed like this for a little while. Until you had heard the count down from the other room, everyone seemed to be yelling.

“10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…” You lifted your head and his head bent down to see what you were doing.  
“…2…1…Happy New Years!” Everyone yelled and before he knew what was happening, you pressed your lips to his. To say it caught him off guard, would be an understatement. With your current state, you kissed him harder than a normal kiss would be, but it began to soften before you pulled away and buried your face into his neck. You didn’t notice the redness that had crept onto his face.

“Happy New Years, angel,” you whispered. For the first time that night, a smile appeared on his face.

“Happy New Years, (y/n).” The both of you sat on the floor together for a bit before you started to wiggle around.

“I want to go to bed,” you yawned, the warmth of your breath heating his neck. He stood, still holding onto you and began walking.   
“Are you taking me to bed?”

“Yes,” he answered. You peered from his neck and began to protest.

“No, I want to stay in here. I want to sleep in Cas’s room.” you spoke quickly and he stopped walking in the direction he was headed. Leaning down and pushing back the covers, he placed you on the bed; trench coat and all, you just wouldn’t let go of it but he didn’t seem to mind.  
“Will you stay with me?”

“I will stay with you,” he promised.

“Will you hold me.” He took off his shoes and you felt the bed shift with the new weight. He cuddled close to you and you snuggled against him once more.

“Don’t tell Cas that I love him,” you whispered after a while. If he wasn’t able to hear the rhythm of your breathing at the rate it was, he would have believed you had fell asleep already.  
“I don’t want him to be mad at me, I can’t loose him.” His tightened his embrace around you and you felt more at peace. Slowly, you drifted off into a deep slumber.

“Im not going anywhere. I love you too, (y/n),” he whispered to your sleeping figure and placed a light kiss upon your forehead. His grace already spreading throughout your body, to help with the effects of the upcoming hangover you were sure to face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When you awoke the next morning, your throat was dry, but your head wasn’t pounding. Honestly you felt better than you deserved as the memory from last night crept back. You remember getting a bottle of strawberry vodka from Dean and drinking some of it, but after that you remember nothing. You began to stretch your limbs and as you do so, your blanket of warmth fumbled to the floor. You sigh and flip over to pick it up, sleep calling you back. Your attempts at grabbing it are fails and you shoot your eyes open, irritation overcoming you. But as you peer down to the floor, you notice the night stand beside the bed and immediately you know that it definitely isn’t yours. Furrowing your brows your eyes fall to the floor and the only thing occupying the path, was a trench coat. The trench coat. Without hesitating, you lean up and throw your legs off the side. You bend down and pick up the coat; you try to remember what exactly had happened the night before, but there was nothing there to remember. As your playing with and smoothing over the fabric and the buttons, you feel the bed move. You’re off the bed in a matter of a second and your turned to face the mystery person who was accompanying you.

“Its only me,” Cas said with his hands raised. You glanced around the room looking for something to appeal to your memory, but nothing seemed to make a connection so you eventually met his gaze again.

“Why am I in here?” you asked quickly. He faltered and his eyes fell.

“You wanted to be in here.” he spoke with an unease.

“What?” Your head was beginning to spin, the effects of the alcohol catching up with you.

“What do you remember?” he asked, trying to be hopeful. Before you could answer, a sudden wave of nausea hit and you were running to the bathroom. You made it just in time to the bowl before you began puking your guts out. An extra pair of hands helped hold your hair back and as much as you didn't want him to see you like this you didn’t have time to protest against it. Once your stomach felt cleared, you rested your forehead into the palms of your hands, waiting to see if you still had heaves coming. His hands slid down to your back and began to rub comforting circles. After a moment, you groaned to yourself and stood as you flushed the toilet.

“Are you alright?” he questioned you worriedly. Without looking at him, you answered.

“Please stop asking me that.” You pushed past him and began to make for the exit.

“(y/n),” he pleaded, but for you that was the last straw.

“What? Why can’t you just let me be miserable?”

“Because you don’t need to be miserable, you need to be okay."

“Im not okay. I’ll never be okay and I deserve to feel like this. Why do you care anyway?” you raised as tears began to prick your eyes. He watched you for a moment, and his throat bobbed before speaking up.

“Because you love me….” You stared at him in shock. The tears that had welled up in your eyes fell without permission. What had happened last night? What all had you said.

“Who told you that?” another tear fell. A sad expression took hold of his features.

“You did…you, um…told me not to tell me that you loved me. That it was a secret.” Your eyes fell from the blue orbs, unable to keep contact. Your hesitation on denying the subject was clear.

“Look…, I get that you may feel obligated to..uh… want to comfort me, but you don’t have to. I’d understand if you feel…if you don’t want to…if you don’t want me around anymore. I understand that you don’t like me like that and if you don’t like me anymore because of that, then I promise i’ll leave you alone. If you want me to, i’ll leave…” He watched as you fumbled for words. Inside he felt himself break, knowing that you felt this way because of him. That he had come across as a brutal retaliation. That if you were to ever speak your feelings, he would outcast you forever. Once your words failed you and you could no longer speak due to the knot in your throat and the tempting tears, he began to slowly approach you. You couldn’t make yourself look at him though, you knew what was coming. This was it, all the memories were now for nothing. He stopped directly in front of you and he bowed his head down to you as yours was bowed to the floor. His arm outstretched in front of him and his hand came and rested on your cheek. Lifting your cheek, he raised you so you would look him in the eye.

“I am not ashamed of your feelings… and I certainly don’t hate you.” he spoke with a kind, solace voice. A stranded tear fell and ran down your cheek. His thumb came across and lightly wiped it away.  
“I love you; as you love me. I care about you because I love you and I just want you to be happy; whatever it takes. If you want to stay wrapped up in the trench coat, its yours. If you want to stay here in my room, you’re more than welcome to. If you want me to stay with you, I’m here. If you want me to hold you, i’ll protect you and watch over you…. If you want me,... I’m yours.” Another tear slid down, but this one was of another emotion; this one was happy. Without a second more, you took the final step to close in the distance. You buried your face in his chest and his arms cradled you to him.

“Cas,” you whispered up to him. He hummed in response.  
“I love you.” His cheek had been resting on top of your head and you felt him smile.

“I love you too, (y/n). I believe I always have.” You smiled and a few seconds later, he pulled apart from you a little bit. You gazed up at him, wondering what was wrong.  
“Will you promise me something?” he pleaded. Your eyes never leaving his, you nodded your head for him to continue.  
“Im not saying you can’t have it, but if you want vodka can we make an agreement for you not to drink the whole bottle on your own?” Your eyes widened in shock. 

“I drank the whole thing?” you pressed with uncertainty and embarrassment. He nodded and turned so you could see towards the opposite night stand you had woken up too. It held the bottle of strawberry vodka and just like he had said, it was practically gone. You shook your head, ashamed of what you had done.  
“What all happened?” As you peered up at him, a smile began to form. You awaited the inevitable as he chuckled lightly before bringing his eyes down to meet yours.

“Well… can I tell you my favorite one first?” he asked with a smirk.

“Great, theres a list?” you pushed for more information. His smile didn’t faulted.

“Quite a long one, if I may add.” A light blush appeared on your face as he peered down at you through his lashes and laughed lightly again.   
“You kissed me,” he answered and immediately your face became a furnace.

“No I didn’t,” you begged for him to be joking. This is one of the many reasons you don’t drink.

“You did,” he informed with a smirk. You pulled away from him embarrassed and tried to hide your head in your hands.

“Was that before or after, I confessed my undying love for you,” you came up with a smirk of your own, accepting the embarrassment.

“Sort of in the midst of it,” his eyes gleamed at you.

“Im sorry,” you explained to him, this was just painfully embarrassing. He kept smiling and pulled you back to him. As you snuggled yourself into him, he placed a kiss on your forehead and then proceeded to lay his cheek on your head as he held you close.

“Don’t be,” he whispered to you, holding you as if he’d never let you go. You smiled and for the first time in a while, you felt at peace, relaxed even. For the first time in a long time, you felt happy. You had him and you had a family throughout the bunker. This was your home, and now it finally felt like one in all aspects.


End file.
